Say It, Right Now

Do you ever have times when you think about calling someone just to say hello? Maybe you have an online friend that you want to write a message. But something comes up, or too little time becomes a factor, and you never say what you want to them.

Now is the time to change that. I know it has been said many, many times before in one form or the other, but you never know how long you will really have to tell someone what you want to tell them.

My mind was wandering a bit today, and I found myself thinking about something that happened last year. I was Myspace buddies with an old friend from high school. She had recently updated her photos, and I was taking a quick peek through them. I wanted to post some comments about what a lovely family she had, how cute her daughter looked holding their pet kitty, how pretty she looked in her wedding photo, and so on. But I was at work, and I was low on time. So I figured I would just come back later and add those comments.

As most “to do” items go, one thing led to another, and it slipped my mind that I wanted to re-visit her profile and comment. About two days later, I received an email from someone else in our graduating class – that my friend had committed suicide.

So do I think the little comments I wanted to make on her profile but never got around to would have made a significant difference? It is one of those “what if” questions that could drive a person mad if they let it. I would like to think that, maybe if I had, if nothing else she would have had a little reminder that there were many more people who cared.

No matter how young, happy, successful, hopeful, or loved a person seems to be, you cannot always guarantee that they will always be around, whether it is by accident or choice. Take that moment, right now, whether by phone, text, e-mail, comment, twitter, plurk or poke. Even if it makes you late for a meeting or for dinner or whatever. One or two minutes spent here and there is not more regrettable more a lifetime of wishing you had just said what you wanted to. No matter how silly or simple or complicated you may think it is. You just never know.

Taken but Looking, and Breaking the Trust Factor

I was recently reading a friend’s blog where he was posting online conversation between himself and a female friend. Long story short, she was seeing someone she met on an online dating service, and she thought things were going really well, but then found out he had put his profile back up on the site. Needless to say, she was confused and discouraged. The subject hit a nerve with me, as I have been in a committed relationship where this happened.

There is no harm in online, chit chat flirting, right? I am pretty sure that is what some people think when they are in committed relationships and decide to just have a little online fun. Or maybe it is to satisfy the “I am still hot because other people are interested in me” ego boost.

The problem is that no matter how much your partner trusts you, it will undermine that trust if they find out you are doing this. It is silly to think that if you met on an online dating service, that your partner will not notice your profile going back out on the market. During my short online dating stint, that was how I determined if someone I was seeing was serious or not, since you can take down your profile but still look. Even if that is not how you met, karma will get you in the end. Maybe an online friend recognizes your picture or description and tips off your partner. Maybe you left your login ID saved in the browser (which is pretty daft, but that is how I found out it was going on in my last relationship). Anything can happen, and usually does with these sorts of things.

So no matter how confident someone is, in themselves and the relationship, finding out that you are still perusing the singles scene will make them question what it is that is lacking that makes you need to find something elsewhere. It will be hurtful. It is also going to put into their mind that little nagging voice that says there is the possibility that more than just chatting is the end goal. Or for the vengeful type, it will make them think that if you can do it, so can they. Then you have a two wrongs do not make a right situation going on.

So basically, for what you may think is harmless ego boost and flirting could be detrimental to a solid relationship in the long run. Because once trust is broken, it is painfully difficult to build again. The best question to ask yourself is, no matter what the motive, is it worth losing what you have?

Dark Knight Exposes Dark Questions

Although I will do my best not to put any direct spoilers into this post, I will warn you that if you want have not seen the movie and want to view it for the first time as I did, with nothing but the preview in mind, you should postpone reading this until after the fact.

Tonight, I saw Dark Knight for the second time, this time in an IMAX. Amazing sound, as in the effects pound through your chest, and much better picture quality and size. But aside from the thrilling effects, great acting from the lead characters, there were many situations where I found myself questioning my own morals. What would I do in this scenario? How would that response change with the addition of adrenaline, time restraints, etc.? How would my response affect myself and those around me, and would it be for the greater good? There are several examples, but the two most personal ones for me were the following…

Scenario #1: If I there was a choice between myself, or the one I loved being saved, who would I choose? Of course, my first response was I would want them to be saved. Why? Because I simply could not imagine living without them. The thought makes me almost unable to breathe. But how would I feel if roles were reversed? If they were given that choice instead of me, and they chose that I live, it would not be what I wanted. Although I understand how noble it would be, and the ultimate proof of their love, I would also consider it cruel of them to leave me in this world to face the suffering of their loss alone. How could one of us really know if the other would be strong enough to make the most out of their life, once they were given the chance to go on? Traumatic experiences and loss change people, and a weaker person may not be able to deal with the pain and rise above it.

Scenario #2: If I were told that, in order to save the life of my child, I must go out and murder a complete stranger, what would I do? This stranger is more than likely someone’s child as well as potentially being a single father or sole provider for their family. Would knowing that change my instinctual urge to protect my own family at any cost? Would knowing that the stranger was someone who no one depended on or love make it easier to justify taking a life? If someone said I had an hour to decide, would I even bother to rationalize it? Could I live with the knowledge later? On the flip side, I know certainly could not live with the fact that I sacrificed my own child’s life for someone I did not know.

So much to ponder, and for me, with no easy, “right” answer.